it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
