make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
