I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
