Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
