After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
