Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
