Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Couch. On fire.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize