Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
i think im in europe. pls send help
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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