It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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