he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
