I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
