Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
