I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
