508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
