boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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