Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
