Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
