the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
