areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Someone shit on the floor
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
