I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
