If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
