Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
