Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
