yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
