I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
