In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
