Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
All I want is dick and wine.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
