i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
