I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
