If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
