I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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