Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm sobbing to NWA
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
