apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
