no, he came in my armpit
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
