Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
