i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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