we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
