My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
