How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
