Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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