just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
