Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
