you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
