....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
