no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
