Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
