I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
