Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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