he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
