Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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