Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
