its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
