I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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