Your face is a jimmy john
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
