My sheets look like a crime scene.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
