I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
