You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
