Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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