apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize