There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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