Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
4 words: hood of his car
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Welp...herpes.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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