We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize