New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Bring me that man meat
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
