I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
