eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
