sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
