Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
